letting go of those that bring you down

These past few weeks have been very difficult for both Kyle and I and Monday night proved to be a feat that we both needed to happen to see just who was in our life only  to bring us down. Its sad when you are friends with someone for so long only to find out that they do nothing but bad mouth everything you have. There is a point and time where you have to look around and evaluate if the person who you constantly find yourself stressed over is worth the stress anymore. Kyle and I shared a mutual friend who actually introduces us and on Monday found out that she was doing nothing but running around to people speaking nothing but ill words about our marriage and life together. While I can say I was pretty patient and managed to hold my tongue, I finally reached a breaking point. I am going to be 25 this September and I found myself stooping to level of a young girl who is a careless mother and nothing more. I may not have everything and my marriage is far from perfect, but whose it? Everyone has obstacles to overcome, hurdles they have to jump and decisions that will cause arguments because you have different views. Its called life, if everyone was perfect it would be pretty boring. In the end Kyle and I have made the decision final that come the end of this year when we look for our home we are going to be moving North. Far enough away from everyone and broward county, but close enough to be near my family and grandparents if anything every happens. A week ago this past Sunday my grandfather had a mild heart attack and seeing the man who is always the strongest and most willful going through what he did, we woke up and realized just what it is we want. We want people who are going to support us, not judge us. Individuals who will never speak ill of either one of us, and most importantly friends who will never bring us down  to the point that they are willing to ruin our family and marriage. While I could rant on about this certain individual due to frustration, I know that what she has done will catch up with her and all I can do is pray for her and especially her child. There is a bigger picture in life and to be so spiteful as to ruin two people's life, marriage, and family because all they ever did was look after you and help is inexcusable and definitely unforgivable. I refuse to let the bastards grind me down!

So what is our next step? Well as of Jan 22 I am officially done with my undergrad and we will be creating a life in a home with lots of land and space to take care of the two most important people in my life, my, well our grandparents. While I cant jump for joy just yet (we still have to see what we qualify for and start our search), Kyle and I couldn't be more excited to finally begin the life we have planned since we first started dating. Our lives are slowly getting on the path we always planned it to be and as long as we keep each other centered and stay patient, our new beginning is just around the corner.

Time is love, and I couldn't be happier to be giving all my time to the one man who has always given nothing but that to me. No one will EVER bring us down and all we can do is walk hand in hand into what is always sure to be a very bright future.

Until next time friends,

Amber

perfection.. or damn near close

So it has been a while since I last updated but a lot has been going on. I can report the wedding is over with and we have officially been Mr. & Mrs. Zeman for a month on Sunday. My grandmother finished what we are hoping to be her last round of chemo last week, and Kyle and I have made a huge decision that come the end of this year we are looking to buy our first home. After discussing with family and going over the qualifications we are ready to own a home. No more renting! Even though I absolutely love my home now, we want a yard that is big enough for the dog, a place to store our bikes, and I want to be able to paint the walls whatever color I want and when the time comes create my dream nursery. While some may think its a little premature to be thinking about such a big step we have planned our life together and we want a place to be ours. This is a big step and we both know a lot comes along with owning a home but we are ready to finally settle into an establishment that is truly known as Casa De Zeman with no landlords, no nosy neighbors, no association, no yard to design and no bland color walls. We are excited for this journey and with graduation in January for me we are looking forward to creating a life that we have been planning for since before we said "I DO".  Life is a journey and I couldn't be more excited to see what our journey together has in store for us and our family <3. I can say that marriage is a blessing and I couldn't imagine not being able to spend the rest of my life with this man. So many people have had so many negative things to say about our unity and honestly we have seen that through being married just how true friends are. So many people treat us like we are plagued are something all because we are married. I mean yes, with marriage comes a family but I am not popping out babies anytime soon so why is it such an issue? No, I do not party and go crazy but honestly I grew out of that stage three months after I turned 21 when the same things got boring. Being drunk out of my mind every night or going to a club to have a man drenched in sweat look at me like a piece of meat it just not something I find appealing anymore. I do love to dance and every once in a while I do want to get dressed up and do just that but when friends around me just want to pound drinks and forget their name, then its no fun anymore. I can say now I am in preparation for mommy mode. I have been working out and trying to get my body healthy and where I want to be before we decide to try and have kids. We have planned that by the end of next year or beginning of the following we will start trying but if it should happen then so be it.  A child is a blessing and we are married so no one can say anything is wrong about it! Life has some big plans for me and Kyle and we are both ready to take the reigns and see what our sure to be bright future has in store. Until next time friends...

and the race begins...

Hello Everyone!

It has been a little while since I have updated but things have been so hectic around here lately! Well kyle and I are adjusting quite comfortably to our new home but we encountered a problem recently that is no bueno. Our hot water heater is leaking and completely ruined our wood floors and warped three of our walls. So tomorrow we have a new water heater being put in, and an adjuster coming out for homeowners insurance to do an apprasel of the house and see what needs to be done. I am hoping this process is started imeediately because my brdial showe is next weekend and even though it is not at our house there will be people in and out all day to help prepare food and get ready. In all honsty as long as the problem is fixed and no mold will develop I am just happy for it to be done. Well as you see at the top of the post there are two of my absolue favortie shots from our incrediable engagement shoot. That day in its entirety went beautiful and the pictures are the proof. I will admit there are some that I am a bit disturbed by looking at but then I remember that my body is a process and even though I may not be where I wanted to in those photos or even at the wedding, I am slowly making strides to get there and I will be able to be healthy when Kyle and I decide to start our family. In other news my grandmother recieved word last week that was a bit tolling. After having a test done on the lump removed in her lumpectomy, we were distrubed to know that a high level of cancerous cells was found and my grandma was advised that she should attend chemotherapy. My  grandmothers biggest fear was that she was going to loose her hair and hearing that she would 100% made me upset because I could see in her eyes she was worried. Through this process I have seen so much support from friends but it is hard to relate because no on truly knows how much my grandma means to me. She is always the rock and the one to knock sense into me when I let my emotions get the best of me and to see her break after how strong she has been through everything was rough. It took a toll on me and I will admit I put everything on hold for two days just to spend time in bed because I was drained. However, after falling asleep one night my great grandmother came to me in my dreams and told me how proud she was of what I was doing and to always remember that I am a produc t of her and I am stronger than I know and to just be there for my Mimi. Of courser I naturally woke up upset because my great grandmothers are both subjects in which I still ache and cry when thinking about them being gone.Then after i shed my tears I smiled in knowing that I do indeed have an angel watching over me and my family. I know that when I am sick or hurt I go  to my Mimi for comfort so now it is my time to keep the promise I made to her when I was eight years old. That when the time came and she was older I would be there to care for her, to make her soup when she felt bad or hold her hand when she was scared like she has done for me my entire life. My grandmother is the most beautiful woman I know and even though this process will be difficult she has a new beauty about her that no one can deny and chemo or not; she will always be the beautiful woman I love and admire. My journey has been a bit complicated here lately but I am slowly learning how to cope with everything better. Wi th our wedding in a little over a month and time flying by there is of course stress but all in all I am more excited than ever to just be able to be married to the man I love. While my biggest concern is how I am going to look or not fitting into my dress I know, that I am truly overthinking things and I know that I will look beautiful that day. I was told by Kyle that I could walk down the aisle in sweatpants and sneakers with my hair a mess and still be as beautiful as ever. So in the next week even though there is a lot going on (oh and I started classes again after a 10 week break) I will be sure to update you all on this crazy journey I called life and the arrival of my wedding day.

Until next time my friends :)