Hello all! It has been quite some time since I last posted. Its hard to believe how much has changed and what continues to change since my last post. First off Happy 2014 to everyone. I hope that the holidays and the New Year brought lots of new beginnings, happiness, love and joy to everyone. Well I can say that my Journey since my last post has been a crazy one to say the least. Lets see, when I last posted I just fresh off of being married (it will be two years next month), Still pursuing my degree at Kaplan, and in the process of trying to prep to become a mom. So what has changed since then? SO MUCH!
I can say that I am a very proud Alumni of Kaplan University and on Feb. 2, 2013 with my husband, grandparents and family in tow I walked across the stage and received my degree in Human Services and graduated with a 4.0 GPA and Summa Cum Laude. It was a very proud moment for me indeed but with graduation also came a very harsh reality of finding a job in my field. While I thought going to school online was giving me the upper hand, finding a job in my field has proven to be a tiring task. I have applied to countless agencies but always hear the same response, "Academically we would be honored to have you, we just need you to have a little more experience." I cant tell you how bad it gets to me but I did receive a break. I got offered an opportunity to work at a fabulous agency when we move (yes we are buying our first home but that's going to be talked about in another paragraph) and even though I would love to do it now the commute would kill us. So now I wait. Or do I? It was up for a lot of debate but Kyle and I discussed it and I have decided to go back to get my Master's Degree from none other than Florida State University. It will be a long and trying journey but I feel as though having the experience given with a graduate education, attending my dream school, and just having my Master's is an accomplishment that is beyond my wildest expectations for myself. I have to still sign up for my GRE exam but I deferred my acceptance with a scholarship and that exam is all that stands in my way, so needless to say the studying begins.
The next big change you ask, is my career. Well I guess you can say its more of a hobby that I turned into a business venture. That's right, I started my very own photography business! I decided that it was time to stop talking about doing it and finally do it, so I did. I took a lot of time and after a lot of thought I decided to use my name to honor two people that I lost and I feel with me everyday, and also pay homage to a man that had a name a long time ago but never got to use it for what he wanted, so he passed it on. NellaKay Photography pays respect to my two great grandmothers who passed away and to my grandfather who at one point and time, wanted to name his boat that. After his pike dream was shot down due to financial hardships, I instead took the name and gave it to something that I knew I could put my all in and one day make an impact with. So far I have very few clients but with every snap of a picture my name is shared and I have more and more people interested. This will come in handy I suppose for our next and most trying venture.. our future.
Kyle and I have given a lot of thought about where we wanted to raise a family, when we wanted to start one and so on an so fourth. We are completely ready for everything, from the names to the nursery we are ready. What we didn't plan on was my health making an impact. In April of last year I had something telling me that I needed to take the time to go and see a ObGyn. Don't ask what was pulling me to do it, but some unknown force was pushing me and I was listening in every which way. Well, In April I went for a routine Pap Smear thinking nothing of what came next. I was called a week after my appointment and told that I needed to come back in and having some testing done. While at the time I had no idea what this meant, I just knew I wasn't wasting time and the next day I was in the office for testing. It was through a series of Biopsy's, freezing, DNC's, and a few other tests that I was revealed words that shook me to the core. CANCER. Yes, I was diagnosed with Stage 0 Cervical Cancer. To most reading hearing stage 0 seems so good, and in retrospect it is, but it was the 6 letters that in my head, with my family history seemed like a death sentence. So here I am coming off of my last appointment where I was told everything was clear and the 6 month annuals are to be scheduled and I will go about my way. So casually, like the words had never been spoken and my whole world wasn't turned upside down. To some I was being over dramatic, but in my eyes, I saw all the woman I loved who I watched withering away and die, flash before my eyes. Was this going to me? Was I going to be able to hold on and be as strong as them? Was this going to define me? What would happen to my marriage? Would my husband still love me? Would we still be intimate? Would I have to deal with a doctor one day telling him there was no coming back and he was going to loose me? and most importantly, Would we be able to have children? To those reading this, you always hear stories and think, stop being so negative, you will be fine people overcome this all the time. I can say I was one of those people, but please until you go through it, don't be so quick to make that judgement. Its so much harder that you can imagine. Even though bad news seemed to come and then good news of being clear and getting clearance to have children, I still worry. So now the journey to become a mother begins.
Kyle and I want to start trying by this summer however, this will be no easy feat. We still have to find a home and have our offer accepted (we have three currently submitted), and I have to overcome the obstacle that has stood in my way for so many years, my weight. I can say I have made changes but, its not easy. With the beginning of this year so much changed. I lost people in my life who I thought would always be there, I let people go just clearly to have my sanity and I learned that Its time to start being a bit heartless when it comes to my friendships because, I was sick of getting hurt. Maybe its my own insecurities or me being stubborn but it seems like the constant back stabbing or lying or being fake just doesn't cut it anymore. Does it hurt, absolutely, but I cant keep fighting for people who cause me pain, anger or just all around UN-pleasantries in my life. Does it hurt and do I miss them absolutely, but when you hit a certain age, you realize that sometimes its better to let go. That and getting facebook messages from people revealing your secrets you confided in so called friends or hearing them bash you, kinda hurts and pisses you off, A LOT!
So this year begins, with a new attitude, perspective and many new journey's about to begin. Will they all work out, one can only hope. I will however keep positive and push myself because my happiness is what matters and its time I start putting that first. Until next time bloggers.....
